October 18, 2010 Sideshow freak
Taking a break from reading some very dry planning policies for a mock Ontario Municipal Board project that I could care less about because in abhor policy planning. Yes, I realize that without policy nothing ever gets done but it doesn’t stop reading it from being mind-numbingly boring.
I graduate in 2.5 months and I haven’t had much time to reflect on my time in university or even think about what I want to do in the future. What I know is that I don’t think that being a planner is in the cards for me. Interesting, since I’ve spent the last 6 years studying urban planning and even went through the hassle of switching schools for it.
Three and a half months ago I started learning static trapeze and about one and a half months ago I added both hula hoop and aerial hoop to my repertoire. I also added acrobatics but seeing as I am terrible at it with no foreseeable future of improving, I don’t think that I am cut out to be a ground acrobatic.
I look at my sister’s life and about how happy she is now and passionate about what she does. She spent years working in science research, had a brief stint teaching English in Japan only to return to scientific research. Finally, she took a giant leap of faith and courage and quit, becoming a yoga teacher. I am inspired by her courage to do something unconventional and potentially unstable all in the environment of a first-general Asian immigrant family where having a child that is a doctor, lawyer, accountant or nurse is the ultimate aspiration.
I think about the circus training that I have been doing and how passionate I am about it. I have not had so much fun in a long time and have not picked up something new that I really feel like I can fall in love with. This is something that I am beginning to seriously consider as a career path but I wonder if I have the courage to drop my pretty conventional life to do something that is so unstable, even more unstable than being a yoga teacher. Circus performers are not known to make buckets of money.
In the midst of correspondence with my father where he tells me that making money is the priority in life, I can’t help but feel so jaded and disillusioned with life in general. Are we, as human beings really so absorbed with money that we cannot see past it and see what really makes us happy?
At the same time, I feel really guilty and terrible that my father was never really given the opportunity to chase his dreams. He had a family to take care of.
I feel torn between my parents who have sacrificed so much of their own happiness to give their children a good life and something that I really love doing. I know that it has only been 3.5 months but I know myself well and I can tell that circus is something that I will fall in love with. Well, I’ve always been in love with the circus, but I’ve never considered trying it out myself until this year and I only wish that I had started earlier.
Anyway, odd post, completely unrelated to urban issues but I just wanted to express some things going through my head as of late.
Back to the project!
R
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